PDT-
Weird the whole talking like you know me ..it comes with said territory- anyway i have a 667th sense of gnarly humor otherwise it would drive any eggbrained off a bridge but my clothes would at least be oh so fucking fresh. Maybe we can eat burritos and suck face in like super brain melting mexican hot sauce and maybe metal vomit and baby name Cepheus.
I have always been open, honest in all aspects of my life, sadly it exposed me to so much bullshit I did not have the strength to sustain, but- well, that is life. It was wrong of me to complain when so many other people had it worst than I did on my darkest, loneliest and regretfull days. I am only human and I am trying, I have been trying, to be a little better than the day before, I put away all those self-help, mystic self-help book stacks. Donated to good will, internal spring cleaning and such. I am known for rambling and not editing, and I understand all those complaints but I never went out of my way to force shit out to show off how prolific I am. So I let a lot of shit get into my psyche and I couldn’t quite drown out the voices. Until I had to say a big but kind fuck you and learn to be myself again, I let some voices and words influence my output and it wasn’t the best idea. Now, as a cruel and ironic joke, I am growing deaf day by day and had to face the reality that one day I will no longer be able to do what I love. Playing onstage has become sooo hard and nobody understands it so instead it’s like “oh ryan is being ryan again”. It hurts me to know that it affected the shows and the fans who spent their dough and had a less than ideal show. I have never been good at apologizing, but if I could offer my most sincere and heartfelt apology I would. I have been writing like mad at the typewriter, notes to no one but to some ethereal character, like a god who cares and listens. Also book writing and constantly backing up files to avoid another panic attack. I am happy, and it’s hard for some people to accept, I am not being smug, I don’t do smug too well. I can’t stay here any longer because it’s an unproductive cycle, plus the other site is easy and uncomplicated and doesn’t even require the computer glow headaches I get here. Hope you understand. Coffee time. xx -not ryan
you do you man. do whatever makes you happy. dont listen to all the bullshit
3 years ago