January 2009
24 posts
Happy new years eve. i am ready for the end.
well its been a long year. i dont know if i could say good year, but ill think optimistically. I am looking forward to midnight, it is the end. All the bad things that have happended in this past year will go away and I can do something different. I am not making a resoloution because if i just made one I wouldnt feel like only one thing changed would not make a difference. I am looking forward...
December 2008
34 posts
Christmas eve. eve. West deptford. and old...
Well its only 4 something and the sun is setting again over the bay. actually it has already set. It felt good to talk to a certain someone that has been on my mind the past while now. we got a lot said that need to be said. and i feel a lot better about it. I lost someone and it felt good to know that we can still be friends. nothing more because it would be to much . but its just good to know...
well i felt accomplished.
So yesterday went very well, I dont know why I am suprised but I almost forgot how good we can be. Dan got here early and it didnt end until this morning at some ungodly hour( the sun was coming up). I feel great about what we got recorded, but I still feel like there is so much more to do. I woke up today and just felt blank. It was almost an emptyness that filled my apartment, a combination...
good morning.
well for the past few hours that just flew by i wrote 4 songs out of nowhere. I havent been able to write the past day or so and then everything just poured out all at once. i couldnt write fast enough to keep up with my head. but that i guess is a game i play everyday. well no sleep tonight. Recording all day. time for coffee.
coffee is gonna make me happy.
jams are making me happy.
“Did I get less lonely or did I just get used to being alone?
just surrounded...”
– http://www.nobodyhere.com (via vespertinal) (via apologies)
old little jam. good times. things were simple
christmas alone
Random poem that i wrote last night then changed it when i typed it.
Alone. Again tonight.
dont know where i belong
Peace of mind is a constant fight. there seems to be no. end.
darling come. take a ride with me
the lights again. as i pass by.
alone on christmas time.
Why do i feel so alone?
there are so many. faces. around.
but not here.
loosing again.
this year never ending.
Lonely...
the cat shit on my bed. and then pissed on my...
good morning/afternooon. I am sitting. i am bored. I am a procrastinator. The house is a mess. fuck.
good times as always last night. Captain 2 nights in a row….. Christmas party with Ann was awsome. jamming is fun.
All i have to say is I am soo fucking stoked to be working with the band this week. It has been so long since we have all been in the same room together. I miss that sound,...
not much sleep. new lyrics old song.
Its been so long since you could say, things were working.
All i try is search for words, they never comeo out
You say you love me but i dont think you do
i just dont know how to say this, I am sorry, but this is your goodbye.
turn the lights down, I am leaving
I am sorry but i have to say goodbye.
beautiful day.
enough said. go out and do something with your life.
The city is dead when the winter comes
the city is dead.
the people are there.
but not really.
its the addicts, junkies, tourists.
locals. no better.
when the rain is coming, the people are leaving.
dont let the light blind you its only decieving.
so throw away your money
at the girls who dance.
or throw it on the table.
just a game of chance.
you can never win.
you can never win.
dont let the lights and bells decieve...
good times and good people. jamz
well good times last night. I met some people i didnt know and celebrated my nigga brandons birthday.
Its always good to meet new people but i still get really bad social anxiety. I mean i used to be the most outgoing person but now i am closed off and very just an anxious. Paranoid. hippy lol.
Today i will be getting mucho done. Writing, errands. recording.
T minus like 5 days till the band...
Insomnia.
Mango green tea is wonderful. I can’t sleep again.
Fuck. Why does this always happen?
I hear the teapot making a whistle.
try and go to sleep.
fail.
monday blues.
mondays are such bullshit sometimes…
i didnt think today would be to productive from the start but its now tuesday morning at 1 or quarter after.. wait like 19 after. and i feel like i have accomplished a great deal. I got a lot of writing out of the way today. I helped a friend. cooked food. and now I think i can sleep well. Its getting harder to care as much for there are a lot of things...
thank whoever for sleeping pills
Its 2 am
awake again
what. the fuck.
I have smoked my last cigarette for the night
its time to go to sleep
panic.
attack.
tylenol. P.M.
write and bed.
write. and then bed.
Its almost like being drunk
with no beer.wine.whiskey
falling.
asleep.
fall.ing. ASLEEP.
———
ks
goodnight.
Watchsweet vid i found.
So i took the weekend.. off... but on again.
i have a question…. When did women become a figment of my imagination. I guess in being single you become more lonely whatever. But i am tired of being alone. I want someone to share my ideas. thoughts. feelings. and everything else with. I am a hypocrit at the same time.. I like the idea of a girlfriend/significant other but I only like the idea of it. At least thats what it seems. I...
True love aint that hard to find..
”If the walls in the room could talk I wonder to myself would they lie It’s like some kind of jail Fall from the curtains onto the bed I’m all alone now, I can do as I please I don’t feel like doing much of anything True love ain’t that hard to find Not that you will ever know Would you lay here for awhile? Please, do not let me go Please, do not let me go You were...
Maybe ill try today.
I wake to some alarm. repeat. shut down.
Am i really still awake? Yes.
In the summer, I could be sleeping.
On a beach, but its winter.
I (will) always love you.
not.but.try.
Shit its nearing half past.
I am late. FOr what?
quarter past something (in between 1-7)
you cowardly fucks
still rave on about some game.
I lay in my bedside trying to sleep.
i hear the floorboards with every crumb you drop.
FUCK.. I am getting tired of this.
non.sleeping.bullshit.
i hear the bus go by. at the end of the block
its quarter past something.
its right on the fucking dot..
xxxxxxxxxxxx
ks
Sick and tired. sick of being tired. sick and...
so day 2 of my sleepless nights and my sleep filled days continues. I am stuck in my house. In my clothes. on the floor. Watching the same dvd’s we have all seen before. And hating everyminute of it.
peace
ks